What's Bothering Me Now

Funny and encouraging take on cancer

Fri, 07 Dec 2012 08:24:15 -0500

What's bothering me now: My facebook newsfeed

Tue, 13 Nov 2012 20:42:38 -0500

Tonight marks a significant night in my life. I’m thoroughly enjoying the company of my throw pillows and my one true friend, my iPhone. But I know that just one bookmarked tab over sits facebook. You know the feeling, that boyfriend/girlfriend that is bad for us and makes us do psychotic things but we just can’t get enough. So yes, Facebook, you can stand there and watch us burn, that’s okay, we like the way it hurts.

Lately, I’ve been spending more time with Twitter because it’s funny and if it’s not I unfollow it and no one has to know. I also can skip over the dumb stuff pretty quickly. I don’t know how to have a functioning relationship with a human being anymore, but I do know how to avoid them. So I’ve decided that tonight is the night I fully explore the limited profile option on facebook. I’m praying it’s redemptive. So in order to weed out the dramatic little dandelions, I’ve created a little 4 point elimination process.

Now some of you are thinking that not letting some people see my status updates or my instagrams or even wall posts from other quality human beings seems a little over the top….dramatic even. Well yes, it is, but my sanity depends on it so I’m fighting fire with fire. It’s also delightfully passive aggressive. So without further ado….

1. Sharing. For the love of Ke$ha and all that is interesting, stop clicking share on every picture you see that has some teenage wisdom or political passive aggression or even Jesus stuff. Someone took a lot of company time on PowerPoint or Paint to make that little abomination and that should not be supported. Besides, they generally come from a place of hate. These things are not good for your brand my people. I’m not persecuting you because you’re Christian/Atheist; Democrat/Republican; Gay/Straight…I’m persecuting you by condemning you to just the cover photo because you’re annoying.

2. Liking. Guys, Relatable Texts is not a thing we should be doing. I know we’re the people who somehow let Nickelback get famous, but we’re trying our damnedest to correct that situation. I’m doing it one status or tweet at a time but I can’t do it alone. Let’s make it a movement. Where was I? Oh yeah. Relatable is not a word. Spend some time with the dictionary…like a lot of time, and learn some stuff. Relate is a verb. That being said, “Texts from Jesus” are not real. He’s been communicating rather effectively through the Bible and burning plants. If it’s more than a word…and not a sports team, band or brand, please, ignore it. I’m pretty sure you would hate to know that you were helping a 13-year-old girl gain social media validation.

3. Quoting. This can be done tastefully but no one knows how. You should be allowing two to three statuses a day. One is ideal, but life is random so we have to have a little leeway. But think of it like this, if it hasn’t made my work day a little more bearable, it’s not worth me seeing. So you’re probably going to be looking at three proffies in the near future. Remember to attribute your quotes to reputable sources and remember that ambiguity is not what we are about. The best way to get the attention you’re seeking is to call those Mo-Fo’s out. Tag them and put hateful things on their walls because that’s the stuff we’re coming on Facebook to see. I wanna see pictures of you vandalizing that bastards car and then pictures of you and your duck face in the back of a patrol car.

4. Pictures. I love a good artsy picture. Give me autumn. Give me candid. I want to see you dance with your boyfriend and I want to see you with Epcot in the background. Let’s discuss what I do not want to see:*~*SeLfIeS*~*; Close-ups; kissing, boobs and straight faces. You are never fully dressed without a smile, but also clothes. And so. help. me. GOD! if I see the flash of your iPhone in the mirror.

If this method does not make me a little more optimistic about society, I’ll resort to using Facebook’s birthday reminders as a reminder to un-friend.

So if you find you’re looking at a limited profile, re-evaluate your Facebook and life. Thank me later.

What's Bothering Me Now: Cargo Shorts

Wed, 27 Jun 2012 08:21:16 -0400

It has been a while. A long while and I have no apologies because this little jewel of a blog doesn’t pay the bills.

Let’s get bothered.

When I was in middle school, those awkward years between age 10 and 14, when we all make fashionably dumb decisions, something happened to my generation of males. They caught a terrible disease that covered their thighs completely. The rash and sores that this disease produced could not be exposed to sunlight but with the heat, it was unbearable to just wear pants. So Cargo Shorts were invented. At least this is the story I tell myself because it’s the only way I can accept that someone decided these would be a good idea, fashionably speaking.

Cargo shorts just limply hang from the waist and brush against the knee. I would think that it would feel like having gnats constantly touching your legs and you would walk around looking like a psycho swatting yourself. And maybe the guys were, but I was just too distracted by trying to count all the pockets.

Let’s discuss the defenses of cargo shorts:

1. My mom bought them.— Well my carpenter friend, go shopping with her and stop these things before they get out of hand. She is probably trying to keep your from dating pretty girls too because women know better than cargo shorts.

2. I am a carpenter.— So was Jesus. He would rather wear a dress looking garment than cargo shorts. Level with me here.

3. I need the extra storage.— For what? Are you housing a hamster in one pocket and compass and pocketknife and pens and pencils and erasers and a wallet with Velcro? Boy Scout, that’s why we have backpacks and brief cases. Get a real wallet sans Velcro and for the love of Ralph Lauren, you don’t need a compass or a pocket full of trail mix unless you’re backpacking in the woods…key word, backpack.

4. They look good on me.— They don’t.

5. They are cost efficient.— Looking a 14 year old for the rest of your life is going to cost you so much more than a couple pairs of Dockers. Jobs, girlfriends, true friends, maybe even your life. I wouldn’t risk it.

6. I’m not really a fratty guy.— Of you’re not, but that’s not the point. The point is you look like a tool. All you need is a piercing and a tapped out tee and you’re well on your way to hair gel. I’m not asking you to get koozies and croakies and speak Bro. I’m asking you to consider a world where the only pockets you need are for your wallet and your hands. I’m asking you to consider looking like you just graduated from business school or with a philosophy degree instead of wood shop. And even carpenters have tool belts and boxes.

You dress for your job, don’t let your dress be your job. You should be able to take off your job before re-entering the social world. Even the hipsters don’t wear cargo shorts.

I’m also here to help:

http://www.chubbiesshorts.com/,

http://www.ralphlauren.com/family/index.jsp?categoryId=1903929&cp=1760781&ab=ln_men_cs1_shorts (cargo = no go)

http://www.columbia.com/Men%E2%80%99s-Ultimate-ROC%E2%84%A2-Short/AM4541,default,pd.html

http://www.kohls.com/kohlsStore/landingpages/chapsnew/forhim/chapsmens/bottoms/PRD~867673/Chaps+Microfiber+FlatFront+Shorts.jsp

THESE ARE QUALITY SHORTS. buy them and watch as your life changes.

Lately I’m obsessed with having a garden and, well, with...

Mon, 11 Jun 2012 10:46:13 -0400

Lately I’m obsessed with having a garden and, well, with 10 years of piano lessons under the belt, this just tugged on my heart’s strings.

fuckyeahbraves: Sorry, I can’t hear you over the sound of the...

Fri, 08 Jun 2012 10:15:49 -0400

fuckyeahbraves:

Sorry, I can’t hear you over the sound of the ball travelling a combined 873 feet over my 2 monster dingers last night.

(via Atlanta Braves vs. Miami Marlins - Photos - June 07, 2012 - ESPN)

Your Lifestyle Choices Have Consequences

Thu, 31 May 2012 16:49:55 -0400

oldtimefamilybaseball:

Derek Holland Sans Mustache: 1.2 IP, 8 H, 8 ER, 2 BB, 2 SO

Freddie Freeman Augmented By Goggles: 3-for-5, 1 HR, 1 2B, 3 RBI, 2 R

Now, I’m not saying that having a mustache and wearing goggles would make you an unstoppable baseball machine, one that was just as comfortable blowing mid-90s heat by batters as you would be smashing giant taters, but I’m not not saying that either.

Also, this is important for some reason:

Hey I heard you like the Wild Ones...

Sat, 12 May 2012 15:57:12 -0400

Hey I heard you like the Wild Ones...:

Oooo Ooo Oo. I haven’t decided how I feel about this guy yet, so know I’m torn. I’m dedicating this afternoon to figuring it out. I think I’m gonna love to hate him.

Albert Pujols: a Follow-up

Sat, 12 May 2012 15:48:52 -0400

Albert Pujols: a Follow-up:

Since I graduated college, I don’t have the energy to write up my own collective thoughts on Pujols finally hitting a lack-luster home run, but I figure since someone else did, I’d share the link. So click away my darlings.

Albert Pujols

Sat, 05 May 2012 18:50:57 -0400

This guy. Apparently the Cardinals knew something that the rest of us didn’t. Maybe we all should have been a tad bit startled when the 2011 World Series Champs weren’t fighting to reclaim their prize. We probably should have been slightly agog when we noticed that Pujols was shipping out to a team like the Angles and not the Yankees who tend to pay a lot for a name. Basically we only have ourselves to blame for being the slightest bit surprised that Albert can’t seem to get the white thing off the wooden thing into the chair things.

He’s batting just under .200 which is almost pitcher-y, but he’s hopeful. No one else is. But he is. And I guess that’s great. He hasn’t won the favor of Los Angeles. St. Louis is basically being smug and otherwise irrelevant this season. Everyone else doesn’t really care at all so Pujols sucking is just kinda awful for LA because they’re stuck with him until 2022. He’s excited. He thinks they’ll love him eventually, and they may, but it’s not looking good. At this point, his first homer with be on Sports Center’s Top 10 and we’ll all be excited for like 10 minutes. But then we’ll get over it because it’s not that impressive that he finally found himself again.

Maybe they’ll make a movie about it or at least produce some Tebow-esque inspirational segment on ESPN.

it’s life. it’s messy. you don’t make it out...

Wed, 25 Apr 2012 22:13:30 -0400

it’s life. it’s messy. you don’t make it out alive. Comm Law for life.

I love baseball...and I'm not sorry

Mon, 16 Apr 2012 15:15:36 -0400

I love baseball...and I'm not sorry:

This is about the championship ring for the St. Louis Cardinals. And as I am finally getting over the fact that the Braves basically handed them the opportunity to win it all, I am able to confidently say, I like the ring. I’d never wear it, but that’s mostly because it’s too huge for my delicate feminine hands and it seems a little high school to be wearing some athlete’s ring. but anyway, this ring is worth more than your house and it’s pretty. It also tells the story of the 2011 season for the Cards which was pretty incredible for them, while a bit of a tragedy for me and all of Atlanta. BUT they used to be all we had around here until the Braves’ arrival, so for old times’ sake, I can be supportive.

flipflopflyball: Oh no no no, thank you.

Fri, 06 Apr 2012 09:28:21 -0400

flipflopflyball:

Oh no no no, thank you.

Damn It Darcy.

Tue, 27 Mar 2012 19:17:07 -0400

This is the second little rant I have posted related to Pride and Prejudice. Still one of my favorites, but I’m starting to hate Mr. Darcy. Which is a really big thing for me to own up to and probably sufficient grounds for some to de-friend me on Facebook. He didn’t give me unreal expectations about love or make me want to marry a fictional character so we should all just put our hats back on and keep reading.

Here’s why I am frustrated with the Man-of-Every-Girl’s-Dream:

I’m not in love with him.

Plain and simple. I think I’m supposed to be. I think I’m also supposed to be like Elizabeth Bennett, which I am not. We all want to relate to one of the Jane Austen heroines, especially Elizabeth, but I just don’t really relate to them and as a girl/woman (**insert Britney Spears “I’m Not a Girl” here**) of the 2010s I think that’s okay.

I know he’s all brooding and haughty at first which is supposed to draw me in with the whole “want-what-I-can’t-have” mentality or at the very least want the guy who sticks to his guns and doesn’t rub that he’s right in your face. And in my heart of hearts, which many people doubt I have, I guess it’s there. But honestly, I don’t think guys have to be like that to win my affections. I attract a lot of trouble and a lot of Wickhams. Why? Because I’m easy to talk to and enjoy listening to the idiocy that is my sweet friends’ lives. I mean none of these adventurers have tried to woo my hott (two T’s) and brooding acquaintance’s really young sister so I feel rather justified in not refusing their friendship. I don’t want to marry these clowns, but like I don’t want to bury them, ya know.

Either way, I don’t love Darcy. I don’t even really love the idea of Darcy. If he’s mean at first and uninterested then I’m going to take my hint and most likely move on. So now I’m the weird one for not really loving this guy who everyone else adores….like Bruno Mars. That’s why this thing is titled “Damn it Darcy.” Because I’m having to realize that Pemberly just isn’t my future life. Neither is the army in the North, but l like to think maybe there’s a Bingley with a little spunk and nice little set up at Netherfield. I wouldn’t complain. Although his hott (two T’s) and brooding bestie could create some issues for the triumph of our sub-plot of a novel.

So, WANTED: Hott (Two T’s) and brooding man. Must have a dapper and funny friend who makes you look like the evil and pretentious bastard I will think you are until you reveal some aspect of a heart which will inevitably draw us into a sweet friendship but nothing more. Write back with a rude response and said friend’s contact information. We can discuss the inferiority of my family/birth if you wish.

fuckyeahbraves: Reblogging ourselves because not only is this...

Thu, 22 Mar 2012 11:28:40 -0400

fuckyeahbraves:

Reblogging ourselves because not only is this one of the best ever pictures of Chipper, it’s one of the best pictures ever.

fuckyeahbraves:

Too good not to post
Chipper Jones waits to bat during a game at Turner Field.
(Photo by Pouya Dianat/Atlanta Braves)

What's Bothering Me Now: My Sociology Teacher

Fri, 02 Mar 2012 13:52:45 -0500

So as a senior with an incapacitating case of senioritis, I signed up for a freshmen sociology class. It’s sociology, I knew it would suck, but I was thinking like read the notes the day before the test and get a B. That’s all I wanted. BUT this teacher has it out for people like me. He hates us. I mostly don’t think about this class or the teacher. I have better things to do like imagine Courtney on the Bachelor getting attacked by a bat. But yesterday, oh yesterday. I had enough.

For my Public Relations Campaigns class, we have a large event happening in Grady County, Ga. For those of you wondering why this worth mentioning, hold your hats, it’s coming. The event is on Tuesday which is the same as every other Tuesday where I have 4 classes. So to be at this event I am skipping two of them because my grade depends on it. I get to go to my Communication law class and then we’re cruising tires to pavement for four hours to get to the southernmost county in the state. My grade has never depended on travel before, but you know, new things. So I went to give one of my teacher’s an excuse from the teacher with a UGA letterhead and basically a giant university stamp of approval for an excused absence. This teacher, didn’t need it. He believe me and said I was good to go. One of my major classes so upper level and this class meets once a week so I was feeling pretty confident about sociology 1101.

Then I went to give my note to the sociology teacher. He was less than kind. He told me that he didn’t do excused absences in his class which was kind of a shock. Most of my important classes have attendance policies that are understanding that sometimes life happens. They give you unexcused absences that don’t count against you because they have real professions I guess.

If my grandmother had died or I was suffering in the hospital from blunt-force trauma to my head, he would expect me to be there. So now my attendance grade is dropping.

Let’s also address the way he said it: “You know this isn’t excused (it is). You aren’t getting a free pass out of class.” ———basically talking to me like I’m some delinquent that is skipping his class to go do designer drugs or eat at Moe’s.

Basically, he has a complex. He has that, This-class-really-is worthless-complex but he needs to feel the need to be validated. I imagine his wife doesn’t do that for him but she’s the one who married a sociology professor with the voice of a trombone. I found it odd for a sociology teacher to have such a complex but then again, maybe it’s not. He knows that zero people take his class seriously. He knows that sociology tends to lead to a job making coffee. He knows that it’s a field that doesn’t require a degree because looking at and making decisions about people is not brain surgery, it’s gossip.

He also told me to hide my shoes so they wouldn’t distract people during our test. Naturally, I thought he was kidding, turns out, he was not. so as I shoved my feet as far under my seat as I could, I began to develop some annoyance but I let it go because i’m understanding and don’t like to cause problems.

Now I’m just looking forward to class evaluations and opening an account on rate my professor. There will be no chili peppers given to this guy.

Jesus-Daters, click this. it's good.

Wed, 15 Feb 2012 01:20:29 -0500

Jesus-Daters, click this. it's good.

Photo

Tue, 14 Feb 2012 21:16:21 -0500

The appropriate Valentine's Day Playlist for you.

Tue, 14 Feb 2012 02:45:00 -0500

Ever felt bogged down because you’re listening to the wrong music on V-day? Do you ever wanna belt out a ballad but only seem to have Hilary Duff and Miley rocking out Disney style? Have you ever considered crafting yet found the songs too mainstream to create the beauty in the world we have all ceased to be capable of producing? If you answered yes to any of these questions, keep going, I am here. I have taken time out of my busy early morning hours to write this little guide out, and I hope you find it helpful.

I’ve decided to give a playlist to all the categories from last years categorization of attitudes towards Valentine’s Day. Here’s a link to that post, but the name of the category will be here so it shouldn’t take Calculus to figure out the meaning…also the songs. like context clues y’all.

1. Artsy Heartsy

What type of songs are they listening to? doesn’t matter, you’ve never heard of them. but here are a few:

Chicago- Sufjan Stevens (throwback)

Holocene- Bon Iver (but he just won a grammy so it’s likely, he’s becoming the worst)

Hide & Seek- Imogen Heap

Video Games- Lana Del Rey

Kindness- Ryan Adams

Keep Breathing- Ingrid Michaelson

Fidelity- Regina Spektor

Hide Away- Ben Rector

aaaaaand a few songs from the struggling other artsy heartsys who express their souls in musical ballads.

2. Valen-Haters

These people hate the day so this is my personal favorite list. this caters mostly to the angsty teenage girls out there…

He Wasn’t- Avril Lavine

Makes Me Wonder- Maroon 5

I Just Want to Live- Good Charlotte

What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger- Kelly Clarkson

Cowboy Casanova- Carrie Underwood

White Horse- Taylor Swift (this is after a few glasses of wine)

U and Ur Hand- P!NK (get mad gurl)

I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T- Webbie (yep)

Ironic- Alanis Morissette

3. The Dreamer

These people listen to First-Dance quality songs while baking and praying and crying over love lost and not yet found…get ready for a slow-dance with the vacuum cleaner…

On a Night Like This- Dave Barnes

The Way You Look Tonight- Frank Sinatra

Bubbly- Colbie Callait

Love Story- Taylor Swift

When I Said I Do- Clint Black

Paradise- Coldplay

Just Haven’t Met You Yet- Michael Buble (for glass half-full types)

White Dress- Ben Rector

4. Jesus Daters

We could skip all this and just put the Passion 2011 sound track up (we all know that the 2012 isn’t out yet, duh) or I could not be lazy…

Divine Romance- Phil Whickam

Beautiful Things- Gungor

You’re Beautiful- Phil Whickam

Beloved- Tenth Avenue North

Wait for Me- Rebecca St. James

Your Love is a Symphony- Switchfoot (the only Symphony you’re going to this day)

Wedding Dress- Derek Webb

You Found Me- The Fray (secret Christian band)

Dance with Me- Evan Earwicker

There is no love like the love of the Lord that can be found in a season of singleness…they really want to be single so help them out and don’t ask them out on dates.

5. Die Hearts

These are the songs that kind of make you think of the Titantic going down and Rose clinging to that door and Jack just floating down to the bottom…

My Heart Will Go On- Celine Dion

I Will Always Love You- Whitney Houston (it’s appropriate and relevant)

You are the Wind Beneath My Wings-Bette Midler

I’ll Write A Song for You- Earth, Wind, & Fire

I Can’t Stop Loving You- Tina Turner

Lionel Richie….he wrote for these people

Total Eclipse of the Heart- Bonnie Tyler

Faithfully- Journey

Endless Love- Diana Ross

At Last- Etta James

This night is going to be perfect and the use of words like “always” and “forever” are in high demand.

6. Agnostics

These are in fact the coolest of the people so I’m sure they’re just playing business as usual so if it’s on the radio or it’s in the CD player then chances are that’s what they’re listening to. I’m not making a playlist for this category because we all have iPods, and we all have shuffle.

Happy Valentine’s Day.

OHHH and here’s a link to the true meaning behind Valentine’s Day. Unfortunately, it did not have a link to St. Valentine’s favorites to laugh, cry, and hold that special someone close so I can’t pass that along. ***Spoiler Alert*** Cupid kills Dumbledore.

Photo

Sat, 04 Feb 2012 21:06:48 -0500

The thing about church...

Sat, 04 Feb 2012 02:27:50 -0500

Lately, I’ve heard multiple arguments as to why the church sucks. I’ve made a couple of them. SO I decided to do some soul searching and plunged into the depths of my heart to figure out why people hate the church so much. I came to a few conclusions:

1. We hate to be told what to do. I do. I don’t like people telling me how much of my money to put in an offering basket. For those of you who still use those giant cumbersome metal things with the velvet pad in the bottom, it’s a similar concept but mostly in baskets that they put produce in once upon a time. But we all have this image of a man standing at a pulpit yelling condemnation at us and that’s not nearly as welcoming or inviting as the memory foam mattress topper on your bed. So we listen to those goose down feathers and stay in bed.

2. Judgmental Hypocrites. Here’s the thing, these people are just like you so don’t get all holier than thou because you suck just as much but you refuse to be accepting of them. Let’s not get carried away in how good you are. chances are you suck and would fit right in if you’d step off of your soap box and got a little dirty. Everything about people is the worst so get over it and never use that cop-out again.

3. Jesus would hate the current state of the church. ummmm, yes, he would. Which is why it’s so great that when people see the problems in the church, they run away. It’s really good when we run from things like that because it really shows the church how wrong it is and how it needs to change its ways. I mean we can see how well it’s worked so let’s keep that up. Besides, Jesus really loves it when He sees His bride being forsaken because she can’t live up to the current standards that the humans have. He understands and wouldn’t want for people to try fix her. So keep using that excuse. It’s good. now Real Talk: Love you, mean it. You’re a coward. (sidenote: God has not given us a spirit of fear…food for thought.)

4. Atheism. I get it. don’t agree, but I get it.

5. The church is not accepting. Chances are, you’re right. But the thing about Christians, it’s that they are. They really love you and want to show you. Don’t assume that just because people don’t partake of the same behaviors as you, that they won’t still love you. I’ve never met a Phillie’s fan I couldn’t forgive. Yeah, they make horrible choices and all, but they are just as entitled to Christ’s love as the God-fearing Braves’ fans. The thing we all have to remember is that people don’t change their mind’s when you walk. People see what you mean when you stand up for yourself and make an honest effort to follow the Lord and his Word. Also, you’ll find some really cool and accepting Christians at church.

5. Intellectuals. These people were almost the subject of a more hilarious post. I stopped myself because they don’t deserve that kind of attention. So I’m giving this little blurb…have fun at Starbucks, all the time. Now that wasn’t loving or accepting, but really, are you accepting me? no. because I don’t use your pretentious words. It’s just weird to not like people because of their vocabulary or lack of desire to read things about people who had time to sit and think about stuff all day. So love you, mean it. no ifs, ands, or buts about it or big words because it ain’t my style.

My mom taught me when I was little that, when someone was hurting me or making me mad, I needed to pray. I needed to pray that God would take away my anger and bitterness and replace it with joy and understanding. I started doing this for the people in my life who make me crazy and those who have hurt me and God started to reveal not only his love for me through his comfort but also his love for those people. I began to have compassion for them and started to pray for clarity as to why they hurt me. I usually didn’t have to ask, I usually just knew. And most of the time, it’s because they’re hurting too. And there’s something about that that brings people together. It brings sinners and saints together, rich and poor, wrong and right.

When I did this for the church, I realized that the church is hurting. The bride of Christ is hurting. And a Christian, I am that bride, whether I like it or not. If we all ran away from our marriages when things didn’t feel happy, there wouldn’t be a lot of hope for love because love is constantly challenged.

I see now that when I walk away from the church, I walk away from my identity. I try to leave that part of me behind because it’s easy to blame religion for all of my problems, but when it comes down to it, I would rather be the church. I want to be the bride of Christ because as a friend told me, don’t fight with Jesus, he’s a better friend and foundation. and I like that. I like the idea of being part of Christ’s bride, being his beloved. I don’t want to run from it. It may cause me pain and hurt but, the bride is human. If Jesus can heal her and forgive her, I can too. Because If I can’t accept that his grace is capable for the church, why would it be for me.

Graceless life is no way to live.